we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Sunday, 24 June 2007

Mma Ramotswe meets Dirk Gently

"Good day. I am Mma Ramotswe."
She extends her hand. Dirk shakes it heartily.
"Good evening, Mma Ramotswe. I am on the case of Mrs Jenkin's lost cat."
Mma Ramotswe glances at her watch.
"It's only eleven o'clock. Hardly evening, Mr..."
"Gently. And yes, Mma Ramotswe, your watch would tell you that it is eleven o'clock. Yet I believe that in Moscow it is exactly seven in the evening."
Mma Ramotswe eyes him suspiciously.
"And what brings you to Botswana, Mr Gently?"
"As I have said, Mrs Jenkin's lost cat."
"Ah, so Mrs Jenkin lives close by? The name sounds English, and is not familiar to me."
"It is indeed, my observant friend, but Mrs Jenkin does not live locally, or in Moscow. she is still in England."
"Why are you here, then?"
"Mma Ramotswe, I gather from the manner of your questioning that you are not familiar with the fundamental interconnectedness of all things."
"Indeed I am not,Mr Gently. Please explain."
"It really is quite simple. When one traces back all aspects of reality to their roots one will find that they are all interconnected."
"Ah. so i suppose that you looking in my letterbox will somehow affect the clocks in Moscow you so devoutly follow?"
"Indeed, madam. You catch on rather quickly."
"How, may I ask, does this happen?"
"I have acquainted you the the matter of Mrs Jenkin's lost cat?"
"Well, I am in the very process of looking for this mysterious feline in all of the places that it is not. Hence, when I looked in this letterbox, it became, if only a fraction, more likely that it is nearby or, indeed, inside, one of the clocks in question. This fact has reduced the amount of energy that each electron in the said clock can borrow from the uncertainty principle, and, in the process, has completely distorted the fabric of reality."
"Do you mean to say that you are prepared to look in every place that the cat is not, until it is forced to appear in front of you?"
I am afraid that my clients do not give my level of dedication the respect it deserves. They often do not realise the necessity of a visit to the Louvre when their cat is lost somewhere in suburban London. But such is life, madam, and, as detectives, is it not our duty to plough on despite the ignorance of the public?"
"My method of detecting, Mr Gently, relies upon the awareness of the public, rather than its ignorance."
"And how do you find cats, madam?"
"I ask the neighbours if they have seen it."

1 comment:

Bridget said...

Who wrote that?
hehe. :P